Here's How To Know If Your Boyfriend Is A Charity Case & Not Marriage Material
What is a fixer? A fixer is someone who feels best when helping others. If they see someone who is less fortunate, their first inclination is to try to remedy the situation. They have a keen sense of the unfairness in the world and strive to correct it. They will volunteer to help and are generally charitable people.
If you recognize that you are a fixer, that’s great! It’s a wonderful quality to have. Fixers are nurturing, giving and empathic. They often do a great amount of good, meaningful work in this world- think Mother Theresa and Ghandi. But unfortunately, many fixers expand that need to fix into their romantic relationships, causing devastation for all. Here are a couple of questions you need to ask yourself before you get involved in a romantic relationship:
1. Are we equals?Are you getting just as much out of the relationship as you are giving?  An imbalance does not make for a good relationship. You will be miserable. Your partner will be miserable. You will not even get your fixing needs fulfilled because most people don’t want to be fixed. People want to be loved for who they are, not for what someone wants or…

Read more: Here's How To Know If Your Boyfriend Is A Charity Case & Not Marriage Material

Write comment (1 Comment)
When Life Closes a Door and You Just Want to Bang on It- Getting Over Loss

I recently sat with a client who was devastated over the loss of a dream. This door was clearly closed in his life and there was no real chance of him ever achieving it. There is very little in life as painful as the loss of a dream. His inability to move past this loss cost him his entire family. I wish he had come to me sooner. He was grieving so hard that he couldn't even see the amazing blessings he had in front of him... until they were gone. What do you do when you really just can't get over a loss?

Life is tough sometimes. I have never heard of  a success story that doesn't include failures along the way. Relationship breakups, loss of friends and families, death ,failed businesses, failed dreams. I swear I am not trying to depress you, but if you have reached your third decade in life, then you can certainly find a time in your life reflected in that last sentence. So, you failed or you lost something or someone precious. Is it time to curl up in a fetal position for the rest of your life? NOPE!! Should you keep banging on a clearly shut door?…

Read more: When Life Closes a Door and You Just Want to Bang on It- Getting Over Loss

Write comment (0 Comments)
7 Ways to Embrace Now
Change. It is a certainty. It never ceases to amaze me how life can completely change in the blink of an eye. It invigorates me and leaves me a little terrified at the same time. We often go about subconsciously believing that we will live forever- that time is always there. The mind is amazing how it can trick us in that way. But we rarely fully experience the present, even though it is the only thing that is certain about our time here on earth.
Experiencing the sudden death of my father and the traumatic birth of my daughter (born with a rare genetic disorder) heightened my awareness of how life can turn on a dime. I’m sure many of you have had similar life curve balls. Yet, we know that not planning for our future makes us irresponsible, right? Most of us have a million things on our to do lists that are future based. If I knew for sure I was going to die next week, I would not have worked out today (or done any work for that matter), I would be eating a dozen donuts right now and planning a trip with my family- leaving tomorrow to go party like it’s 1999!
So, how do we…

Read more: 7 Ways to Embrace Now

Write comment (1 Comment)
How Your Body Teaches Your Kids About Prejudice

Why does it feel so uncomfortable to talk about race and racism in this country? Deep down in our gut we know that something just isn’t right and that makes us squirm. Humans strive for internal consistency and when it’s not there, we become uncomfortable. A part of our mind knows that we are all really one family- the human race. The other part knows that we harbor some racism, or stereotypes or discriminatory thoughts. Yes, we do. This makes us uncomfortable. When we become uncomfortable, we actively avoid situations and information likely to increase it. So, it’s normal to feel that way. I invite you to feel it now and keep reading anyway.

There is something called multigenerational transmission process which just means that we unconsciously pass things down in families through the generations. Some things that get passed down are really great, some are really bad. We got dealt a really bad multigenerational hand of racism, fear, confusion and discrimination. And it is NOT our fault! We didn’t ask for this, but it is 100% our job to fix it! How did we become this way? We were taught. How do we stop it? Teach something different. But…

Read more: How Your Body Teaches Your Kids About Prejudice

Write comment (0 Comments)
Why You Should Let Your Kids Fail

 I am not letting you off the hook as parents, but we seriously work way too hard sometimes. I’m talking about myself here.

Scenario: I just got back home from taking my son to school. I have a million things to do in the next hour.  I get an urgent text from my son saying that he forgot his ipad on the kitchen island (AGAIN) and needs it ASAP (of course!).

Dilemma: I should really say no and let him learn his lesson, but it kills me that he will get an F because that assignment due today was on his ipad. Then my mind starts racing. This is highschool! If he gets an F, it will affect his GPA. He won’t be able to get into college. The next thing I know I have created a future for my son as a bum on the street. Then I start thinking about how that perfect mom (you know who she is) would bring him his ipad, or even better yet, she would have noticed it sitting there on the island and not let her son leave without it . I should be more like her. But wait, there’s more! If I don’t bring…

Read more: Why You Should Let Your Kids Fail

Write comment (0 Comments)

Your Tango Expert

Dr. Zoe has been seen on:

gg logo final

Contact Dr. Zoe

42055 50th Street West
Quartzhill, CA 93536