We all know if mom isn’t happy, no one is. A staggering 70% of mothers report feeling stressed out most of the time (my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/stress-and-women). If you are married to a stressed out mom, you may be wondering, how can I make my wife happy so we can all get our comfy lives back? First let’s understand why she is stressed to begin with- just in case you didn’t know.
I recently polled a number of moms for a book I am writing for crazy busy women (not crazy, just crazy busy. Hopefully they’ll find the time to read it). A common theme among these stressed moms was struggling with a lack of time to get everything done, feeling guilty if they did anything for themselves and a constant nagging feeling that they are not good enough or doing any of their jobs super well. These women are experiencing a million constant demands from kids, husbands, school, work, family…… do I really need to explain more?
Here are a few things you can do to help out the stressed mom in your life:
Don’t ask her if she got something done-No, she didn’t get it done! She probably would have…Write comment (0 Comments)
Life is what happens while we are busy making other plans. Change is hard. If only the good times would stay forever. Some women seem to be able to roll with the punches while others curl up in a fetal position in the corner. How you respond to life’s inevitable changes makes all the difference in the world in your happiness.
Why does change throw us for a loop? Change represents the unknown. The unknown is the dark, scary cobweb filled room in a horror movie. Our minds have the craziest talent for making up the scariest scenes and we don’t need much prompting either- just a little ambiguity and we are there with a horror flick.
Why can’t we just automatically imagine all the best possible outcomes? It’s really a defense mechanism that helps us survive. If we imagine the worst and create a viable solution, then we increase our chances of surviving it.
This defense mechanism is not designed to paralyze you and hold you hostage, but rather to spur you into action. So how can we use anxiety to make the best out of an uncertain circumstance?
When you are a busy woman with a full…Write comment (0 Comments)
Are you that mom who would rather stick an icepick through your eye than talk to your teen daughter about sex (seriously, it doesn’t have to be that bad)? Or maybe the idea of sex conversations makes you squirm a little. We need to talk, girlfriend!
First, let’s talk about why you need to have the conversations. Notice I said conversations. This really should be an ongoing conversation that starts in pre-school. But if you are behind on the 8 ball and even if you fear that your daughter may have already had sex- take a deep breath. It’s going to be okay. It’s time to talk.
The reason why research has demonstrated that abstinence programs have not been successful (teens who participate in abstinence programs do not abstain at any higher rate that those who don’t) is because programs are concentrated, short period intensives. Adolescent sexuality lasts long after the abstinence program is finished. If ongoing conversations aren’t happening at crucial times, one program won’t be enough to tackle the pressures and desires your daughter is experiencing on a daily basis.
So, now that you know an abstinence program isn’t going to save you, it’s time to get really comfortable talking…Write comment (4 Comments)
When your marriage is in a free fall of disconnectedness, anger, or resentment, it can feel like you are standing on the sidelines watching a train wreck, helpless to stop it. It’s terrifying. Even worse, if your spouse has already asked for a divorce, you may be feeling like the end is inevitable.
Let me give you the good news first.
Fixing things doesn’t require that you both jump in and dissect your issues. When you change any part of a system (in your case, your relationship), the whole system reacts and thus changes.
The bad news is that clearly what you are doing isn’t working. That means to fix things, you have to make some changes, but probably not the ones that you thought.
Truth be told, until the divorce papers have been signed, you still have hope.
When your spouse is upset…
Is this taboo? Can I talk about when this joyous thing called parenting is disappointing? Whether you have a newborn who is screaming all night or a 40 yr old adult child living downstairs, there comes a point (well, many of them maybe) when a parent thinks, wait- this sucks!
Before you get offended, let me acknowledge that talking about the not so great parts of parenting does not in any way negate the amazing, heart warming, life changing miracle that parenting is. It really is. But sometimes it is truly disappointing. Often, we parents take on way too much guilt, which of course only further impedes our good parenting moments.
We are never off the hook as parents, but that doesn't mean we are destined to a life of guilt, guilt, guilt.
So let's be real. Mom to mom. When you are having those super bad days and you want to know where you can go throw in the towel, stop, take a deep, slow, breath and try to find one thing that is good right now about your kid in this moment. It's there. I promise you.
Often, when we are feeling disappointed, it's not our kids we are disappointed in, but…Write comment (2 Comments)